we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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