I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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