we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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