Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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