then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
