On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
