White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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