A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize