i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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