Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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