Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
