Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
