Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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