In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
