I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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