I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
