there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
