I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
