I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
