things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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