Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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