Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
whose parrot is this?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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