meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
