can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
