I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
