i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
