that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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