I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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