He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
