I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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