I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
