Tell her she can't have a vagina
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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