The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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