she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
