lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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