I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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