yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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