You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
