I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
