My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
