Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
