see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
