Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
