she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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