Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
