Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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