He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
