i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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