Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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