I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
