Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
