Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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