nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize