so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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