so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
