Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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