I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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