Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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