i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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