I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
