Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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