ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
