Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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