You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
