How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
