There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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