not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
