you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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