life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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