So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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