Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
