Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
