one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
