Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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