After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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