is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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