I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
