and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
