Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
