you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
