Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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