Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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