You're so nebulous sometimes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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