I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
