Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
