highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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