I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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