Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
