Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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