Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
