plz talk dirty to me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
