I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently you make a good broom.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
