Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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