Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
