College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
