fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
