u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
