THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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