i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
