Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
