i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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