im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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