if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize