True but thats because hes a fetus.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
