I bet he comes in French.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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