Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
