after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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