I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
