Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
