FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
