This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize