Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
