does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
someone get that fucking seahorse.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
