Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
