ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize