can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
