god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it wasn't lemon gatorade
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
