well I can't set my house on fire every night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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