I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
