That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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