the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
