I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
