it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
