Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
