out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
