I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
