A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
