Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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